Hiding in Plain Sight

 There is happiness in a bowl of Lomi. 

As a true blue Lipenyo, I am compelled to have a serving of this weekly.

Carlo and I broke up around October last year. I found out he has sleeping around while I was working night shifts for my freelance work. Shit, I went freelance just to get closer to him only to find out what the real him was like while I was far away in Manila.  The motherfucker slept with almost every gay man I come across with.

What seemed to be a match made in heaven turned to demons and hellhounds breaking free from hell. So much lies. Too much that I could handle. I broke down and stayed in my room for a month. I spent my nights drinking and crying over the fact that someone I loved so hard and sacrificed so many things for could just easily throw all that we had away for some kinky sex. Good thing that thing ended. There's no more Carlo and I. Finally, peace.


A few weeks ago,  I almost made the same mistake of climbing up that same pile of poop. Luckily, I got turned down and that kinda kicked some sense into my head.

Why was I repeatedly chasing love all the time? Why do I think that finding that special someone is my only answer to happiness? When in reality, all I bump into is tragic relationships that just leave ugly scars on me.

I spent the last eight years of my life chasing love and ignored so many things that could have made me happier for who I am. My family was always there for me. I have a family that accepts and loves me regardless of me being gay. My childhood friends likewise accepted and loved me. Why am I complaining too much about not finding someone who I can come home to every night when all day I am building a career that would provide me of my financial needs?

Happiness was just hiding in plain sight while I was busy hunting for an imaginary creature. It had hit me right between the eye several times and I'm too stupid to notice it.

And now, I'm looking at myself. And I've never been this happy before. I am free. My mind is clearer and I am planning my life much better.

I'm jogging again, going to the gym, and now I'm taking Muay Thai lessons. I make it a point to take home pasalubong to my nephews. I spend more time with my mom and my dad. My dad and I hang out and talk more now. We're closer than ever. I come to office early and work with more discipline. I don't worry about breaking my heart. I am least vulnerable now.

I suppose I won't be finding love soon. I don't feel the need to find it, nor am I hoping for the best. I'm just letting the future decide that. But for now, I just want to be happy.