The Ugly Person That I am

Indio

While drinking beer around 8am:

"Ano bang dinadrama mo? Sabi mo nga, lagpas isang daan na napechay mo."

Mark lectured. 

I stopped and thought deeply. Was I really ugly when I've got laid that much at this age? Sex is cheap. I can get it anytime and I'm sure that those instances had little to do with my looks but otherwise were largely due to the outpouring libido from me and my partner's body. Laman tiyan din ako.

Mark went on.

"You see, you're not that bad looking. Look at the chocolate beauty you are."

Easy for him to say. He's mestizo looking, so does his boyfriend. He speaks as if we dark skinned Filipinos are really seen as beautiful. I bet when asked to make a choice between a moreno or a maputing hunk, he'd surely pick the fair skinned one.

"Matangos naman ilong mo..."

Fuck off.

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Magsasaka

While my friend and I were in her car:
 

"Ang cute nya talaga. Parang kahit malayo alam mong mabango siya..."

This trip, I knew where she was heading. 

"Ang linis-linis nya tignan.."

Here's the best part. I could not help but cut her and drive her to the point.

I muttered, "Kasi...?"

"Amputi nya kaya."

So ako madumi? Eh kung ihulog kita sa bangin?

NEXT!!!

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Kargador

"Dann, keri ka din man, borta ka naman"

Knowing JC for 6 years, I'm sure he wouldn't stop there. I know his formula:

1. Acknowledge your pain
2. Say something comforting
3. Insert an insult somewhere
4. Roll on the floor and laugh

"Kaya lang, di pang model. Pang kargador sa pier. Hahaha"

Sabi na nga ba

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Negrito

This one I cracked myself.

"Chinito naman ako ah..."

"Chinese Negrito!"

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Hahaha. I hope this scares you away from my blog, hustler!